The Perfect Post


So I have delayed this post far too long. Wanting to find the perfect time, perfect topic, perfect words… You get the picture. Well here I am 3:30 am pumping milk for my little one with tablet in hand and I just decided to type…. It may not be the perfect topic or perfect words but it was a pefect time to unleash.

Here is my perfect post : Little Miss Aaliyah was born September 23, 12 weeks early from her expected due date. I was moving stuff from our room to bring downstairs when my husband told me I didn’t look like myself. Earlier that week I remember looking numerous times in the mirror thinking how swollen my face had been getting… Thinking “wow this pregnancy is blowing me up real good”. I had worried a bit about it as i knew the swelling was normal during pregnancy but I thought it may be a bit extreme. That, and I had just read an article about pre-eclampsia (click this link to learn about it which made me a little more nervous about the swelling, especially in my face which was a new symptom to my pregnancy. So I went to the clinic alothough I had just had my last OB appointment just a few days earlier and everything was normal… But  I thought just to be safe. I am glad I did. What I thought would be nothing was definitely something and that hunch I had, potentially saved mine and Aaliyah’s life.

The clinic sent me directly to the hospital after my blood pressure read and finding protien in my urine. I was scared and panicked. I didn’t know what this meant or the slighest clue as to what the next steps would be which was more scary because all I knew is that if I had this pre-eclampsia thing it could be dangeours for me and baby. This increased my blood pressure even more. The hospital looked at me with concern and kept me there for 4 hours under observation. My two rocks, my mom and husband were with me. “We need to determine if we are going to deliver your baby” the nurse says… WWHATTTTTTTTTT????????  WTF…. It can only be described as an out of body experience. I think mind and soul left my body from that point until maybe about a couple days ago. And I every time I entered back it to my body during that period I just ran back out. This was my first child, pregnancy, so it was all the more over whelming. I felt guilty, ashamed, responsible and worst of all helpless to protect my child. It was all my fault! Was it because I was over weight? Was it the daily small coffee?  Was it all the junk I had been eating? which was it? That is all I kept thinking. To this day everytime Aaliyah displays a symptom of prematurity all those feelings come back.

5 days later from my initial hospital observation I delivered my little sweetheart. Those 5 days were a blurr and the delivery felt like a dream… I kept being told to rest in those 5 days but between being interrupted every two hours from a nurse for a blood pressure test and medications & blood tests plus all the “if you deliver” information visits from various hospital personel, rest was the last thing I could get.

I didn’t hear her cry like they told me I would but for some reason I knew she was okay… I had my baby! 910 grams she was beautiful to me. 12 weeks early. I had this little miracle that I couldn’t fully enjoy as yet. It was Bittersweet.


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